Every
now and again, we tend to misinterpret what we feel, hence using the term love
instead of lust and vice versa for people we care about or our partners. And
that is the beginning of our problems. Being in lust could be like a rush of
wind. You never know where it comes from, how long it will stay or where it is
headed next. Here are some useful tips in ensuring that you do not confuse one
for the other.
BEING IN LUST.
·
Examine
how you treat your partner.
If you're looking to catch someone as a prize or to get someone to go to bed
with you, you are treating the person like a thing, instead of a human being,
you are not committed to your partner, then you are probably experiencing lust.
·
Evaluate
how secure you feel. At
this point, security is not important to you; you are more interested in the
score and in how great it feels to be physically together. How sizzling the
chemistry is between you both. After you get what you want, you can take or
leave the other person. No strings attached. You are simply repeating the act,
“one night stand”, over and over again.
·
Think
about how long you have been in the relationship. Whether it is 6 months, 2 years, less, or more, it
does not matter because you are not in for the long haul and you have no
problem nor do you feel guilty in admitting that to yourself. In either
situation, the relationship is more about fulfilling your sexual desires than
it is about creating a partnership, trust and a bond that is strong.
·
Observe
how sex affects your feelings.
Because you are lustful, all you can think of most times is sex and how or what
it would feel like. So, when you have sex with the person, and even though it is
great, your mind has already moved onto something else. You wonder how long you
have to hold the person afterward, and you're already thinking about scoring
your next sexual encounter. Or you want to keep having sex with the person--at
least, until somebody else comes along. To you, it is always good for now. It is
like a 2 day program, instead of a lifetime project.
·
Analyze the way that you're thinking about the
other person. You are always trying to figure out what you have to do to get this
person to invite you up for a nightcap. There is this constant need to be
appealing, interesting and more. Your focus is on knocking down the person's
guard so that he or she will be open to a sexual encounter. Whereas, when in
love, you need not to try too hard, it comes naturally.
·
Look
at how you handle conflict.
Who cares if you have an argument? You can find someone new without the hassle
of bickering and fighting. The sex is great, but it's not worth the
baggage--unless it is make-up sex after one of those passionate arguments.
·
Consider
how you feel about moving the relationship forward. In reality, you could care less about getting
exclusive with your partner. You are satisfied to date other people, and you
don't care if the other person also has multiple partners. Even though you may
feel jealous if your lover finds another partner, your lack of commitment
suggests lust, not love.
Even if you
think you love the other person, if that person does not return your feelings,
do not waste too much time hoping that your love interest changes his or her
mind. You will have other opportunities to find someone who is ready to create
a real and lasting partnership. When you leave that person, if he or she knows
your worth, would come running back to you, then you can weigh your options,
feelings and the persons’ sincerity towards you. Remember it is hard to change
someone. The signs of lust are not basically restricted to the above mentioned.
You have to be observant, examine, assess and analyse how you feel. Lust is easy whereas love takes hard
work and time. When in lust, you are bothered about little and stupid and
irrelevant things such as, being focused on a person’s body; how great the sex
would be, instead of how the conversation would be like. Lust is building a
fantasy world instead of waking up to reality, which would reveal the hurtful
truth that you are lovers instead of friends.
According
to Judith Orloff MD, "the four negative gut feelings about relationships are:
- A
little voice in your gut says "danger" or "beware."
- You
have a sense of malaise, discomfort or feeling drained after you're
together.
- Your
attraction feels destructive or dark.
- You're
uncomfortable with how this person is treating you, but you're afraid that
if you mention it, you'll push him or her away.
It's so
much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you're not always
guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give
yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, "This person is
healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy." To be happy,
take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This
allows you to wisely go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve”.
Just
because finding love is not easy, does not mean you should settle for less or
turn to wacky, bad and unhealthy solutions. Be good, be you.
