MY LUSTFUL LOVE..

Every now and again, we tend to misinterpret what we feel, hence using the term love instead of lust and vice versa for people we care about or our partners. And that is the beginning of our problems. Being in lust could be like a rush of wind. You never know where it comes from, how long it will stay or where it is headed next. Here are some useful tips in ensuring that you do not confuse one for the other.

BEING IN LUST.

·         Examine how you treat your partner. If you're looking to catch someone as a prize or to get someone to go to bed with you, you are treating the person like a thing, instead of a human being, you are not committed to your partner, then you are probably experiencing lust.

·         Evaluate how secure you feel. At this point, security is not important to you; you are more interested in the score and in how great it feels to be physically together. How sizzling the chemistry is between you both. After you get what you want, you can take or leave the other person. No strings attached. You are simply repeating the act, “one night stand”, over and over again.

·         Think about how long you have been in the relationship. Whether it is 6 months, 2 years, less, or more, it does not matter because you are not in for the long haul and you have no problem nor do you feel guilty in admitting that to yourself. In either situation, the relationship is more about fulfilling your sexual desires than it is about creating a partnership, trust and a bond that is strong.

·         Observe how sex affects your feelings. Because you are lustful, all you can think of most times is sex and how or what it would feel like. So, when you have sex with the person, and even though it is great, your mind has already moved onto something else. You wonder how long you have to hold the person afterward, and you're already thinking about scoring your next sexual encounter. Or you want to keep having sex with the person--at least, until somebody else comes along. To you, it is always good for now. It is like a 2 day program, instead of a lifetime project.

·         Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. You are always trying to figure out what you have to do to get this person to invite you up for a nightcap. There is this constant need to be appealing, interesting and more. Your focus is on knocking down the person's guard so that he or she will be open to a sexual encounter. Whereas, when in love, you need not to try too hard, it comes naturally.

·         Look at how you handle conflict. Who cares if you have an argument? You can find someone new without the hassle of bickering and fighting. The sex is great, but it's not worth the baggage--unless it is make-up sex after one of those passionate arguments.

·         Consider how you feel about moving the relationship forward. In reality, you could care less about getting exclusive with your partner. You are satisfied to date other people, and you don't care if the other person also has multiple partners. Even though you may feel jealous if your lover finds another partner, your lack of commitment suggests lust, not love.

Even if you think you love the other person, if that person does not return your feelings, do not waste too much time hoping that your love interest changes his or her mind. You will have other opportunities to find someone who is ready to create a real and lasting partnership. When you leave that person, if he or she knows your worth, would come running back to you, then you can weigh your options, feelings and the persons’ sincerity towards you. Remember it is hard to change someone. The signs of lust are not basically restricted to the above mentioned. You have to be observant, examine, assess and analyse how you feel. Lust is easy whereas love takes hard work and time. When in lust, you are bothered about little and stupid and irrelevant things such as, being focused on a person’s body; how great the sex would be, instead of how the conversation would be like. Lust is building a fantasy world instead of waking up to reality, which would reveal the hurtful truth that you are lovers instead of friends.

According to Judith Orloff MD, "the four negative gut feelings about relationships are:

1. A little voice in your gut says "danger" or "beware."
2. You have a sense of malaise, discomfort or feeling drained after you're together.
3. Your attraction feels destructive or dark.
4. You're uncomfortable with how this person is treating you, but you're afraid that if you mention it, you'll push him or her away.

It's so much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you're not always guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, "This person is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy." To be happy, take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This allows you to wisely go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve”.

Just because finding love is not easy, does not mean you should settle for less or turn to wacky, bad and unhealthy solutions. Be good, be you.